Teen Healthy Relationships and Dating Red Flags
Navigating friendships, crushes, and dating during your teen years can feel exciting—and sometimes confusing. These early relationships, friendships, and even the relationships we have with our family members, set the stage for how we connect with others throughout our lives. At ECLI-VIBES, we believe that all young people deserve to experience relationships built on respect, trust, and care.
And no matter who you are or what you have experienced, remember that each day is a new day where you can make choices to keep yourself and others safe and happy! You don’t have to face things alone. There are people and organizations who can help.
What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like?
A healthy relationship isn’t just about romance—it includes friendships, family relationships, and dating. Some key signs include:
Respect: Both people value each other’s boundaries, opinions, and feelings.
Trust: You don’t feel the need to constantly “check up” on each other.
Honesty: You can talk openly without fear of judgment.
Support: You encourage each other’s goals and celebrate successes.
Equality: Decisions are made together, not by one person controlling the other.
Fun: You enjoy spending time together and have fun more often than not!
Comfortable Pace: The relationship moves at a pace that is not rushed and that everyone is comfortable with.
Healthy Conflict and Open Communication: You feel free to express disagreements and different opinions in ways that are respectful and free of judgement.
Kindness: You are kind and empathetic toward one another.
Taking Responsibility: Owning your own actions and taking responsibility for any mistakes or harm caused, whether intentional or not.
Independence: You have the freedom to do things outside of your relationship and be your own person.
Red Flags to Watch Out For
It’s important to know the warning signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship, which can include:
The relationship moves too quickly.
Excessive jealousy or possessiveness.
Volatility, intensity, or manipulation from the other person.
Pressure to do things you don’t want to do or that make you feel uncomfortable or unsure.
Isolating or keeping you away from your friends or family. This might include making you feel bad about spending time with friends or family.
Put-downs, insults, or making you feel “less than” or like you are not enough.
Making you feel guilty.
Sabotaging things that are important to you.
Keeping you from your education or activities you enjoy.
Stalking you or giving you unwanted gifts after you have set a boundary.
Bragging about harming other people or animals.
Low self-esteem and negative self-talk.
Threatening to harm themselves if you don’t do what they want you to.
Not taking responsibility for bad behavior or if they have caused harm.
Insisting that everything that goes wrong is always “someone else’s fault”.
Gaslighting - saying that bad behavior or abuse was “not a big deal” or didn’t happen.
Discouraging you from getting a job or applying to the college you want to.
Any form of physical, sexual, or psychological abuse.
Digital abuse-this might include monitoring your phone, texting you constantly, requesting intimate photos of you, or asking for passwords to your social media accounts.
If you recognize any of these red flags, remember: you are not alone, and help is available. You can always call our 24/7 Hopeline if you need help: 631-360-3606
Tips for Teens
Set boundaries early—it’s okay to say no to things you are not comfortable with. In a healthy relationship, partners are able to communicate their preferences and opinions in ways that are kind, supportive, and respectful to one another.
Stay connected with friends, family, or other trusted adults such as a teacher, church leader, or coach who support you. Having a safety circle, or a group of trusted friends, teachers, coaches, and/or family can help you stay safe.
Use your voice—speak up if something doesn’t feel right. Tell members of your safety circle so they can find ways to help. If someone doesn’t believe you, keep telling members of your safety circle until someone does.
Respect others’ boundaries–it’s important to listen when someone sets boundaries with us. We should respect those boundaries, just as we would like other people to respect our wishes.
Take time for yourself to care for your well-being–taking time alone to care for your well-being is normal and healthy. In fact, it is a great way to build a healthy relationship by fostering positive self esteem, trust, and healthy communication. If your partner respects this, that means they really care about you and trust you, which is essential in a healthy relationship.
Download this free safety planning app for teens: https://myplanapp.org/en/teen This is an amazing free resource that allows teens to create safety plans in real time. It is a covert app with a pin, so it is safe even if a phone is being monitored.
What Else Can I Do to Learn More?
Download and take our “How Healthy is My Relationship?” Quiz!
Download and complete a Self-Care Wordsearch!
Create a Teen Safety Plan at https://www.loveisrespect.org/pdf/Teen-Safety-Plan.pdf
How Parents and Educators Can Help
Parents, teachers, and mentors play a critical role in modeling healthy communication and providing a safe space for teens to talk. Listening without judgment, asking open-ended questions, and reinforcing positive behaviors can make a big difference.
What We Know About Teen Dating Violence
Nearly 1.5 million high school students in the United States are physically abused by dating partners every year (LoveIsRespect.org). According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, nearly 20.9% of female high school students and 13.4% of male high school students report being physically or sexually abused by a dating partner. Evidence of the enduring fallout of teen dating violence is evidenced by the fact that 50% of youth reporting dating violence and rape also reported attempting suicide. This is compared to 12.5% of non-abused girls and 5.4% of non-abused boys.
Domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence, does not just occur among adults, married people, or people who live together. National trends indicate that young women between the ages of 16-24 are at an increased risk and experience domestic violence at rates almost three times the national average.
Many times, abusive patterns are developed and normalized during children’s formative years. Abusive behavior is often dismissed, minimized, or viewed as socially acceptable and non-threatening because it is presented by children, pre-teens, and teens. In reality, the patterns established early in life form the foundation for interpersonal relationships in the future.
You Are Not Alone
At ECLI-VIBES, we’re here to support teens and families in building safe, respectful, and healthy relationships. If you or someone you know is experiencing dating violence or unhealthy relationship dynamics, reach out to us for confidential support, resources, and guidance.
Together, we can help the next generation build relationships that are grounded in respect, equality, and kindness.
For help or to discuss further, call our 24/7 Hopeline: 631-360-3606
You can also visit the following websites for more information: